This is my first Thanksgiving without my mom, and and since my therapist told me this year that it was okay to actually feel my feelings and name them and not swallow them down like a big old horse pill, I’m trying it out.

So...today, I feel sad.

Today, I am making her cranberry sauce. There is absolutely nothing fancy about it. It is whole cranberries plus water plus a crapload of sugar and that’s it. Don’t come at me with an orange garnish because I don’t want to hear it. This is simple and just about the only uncomplicated part of my mother there was. She didn’t cook much, and that’s understating it, but darnit if she didn’t always contribute the cranberries to the Thanksgiving Day spread. It’s always been my favorite part.

I know I have loads to be thankful for this year, but it’s okay that I’ve got sadness mixed in too. Because grief doesn’t really care what day of the year it is, or if you’ve got a lot going on. Grief is a bear who’s always ready to wrestle with you. Sometimes, you can kick it in the chest and move on with your to-do lists, and other times it pins you to the ground. I guess this is one of those moments for me. Some people say the holidays get easier, some say it gets harder with each passing year. I don’t know, maybe I’ll figure that out eventually. I just know that it makes me feel a tiny little bit better talking about it and naming my bear. Today, it’s called cranberry sauce, made like she made it, in the dish she always put it in.

I bet a lot of you reading this are missing someone too. I bet tomorrow and the weeks to come will be filled with a lot of gratitude and peace and light and love but also a whole lot of suck (not the most eloquent word choice, but hey, it fits). Maybe it will help you too to talk about it. What do you miss the most? Was it her gravy? His prayer before dinner? Her yearly desire to drive around the neighborhood to look at all the Christmas lights? His insistence on getting both turkey legs? Her tradition of putting a candy cane on every Christmas present? His loathing of Black Friday? For me, the bear is a pack of cranberries and some sugar. What’s yours called? Go ahead and name it, own it, and feel it, and then maybe eventually, we can kick it in the chest together.